damn i just lost 3 followers..
where did i go wrong? was it the porn? which post was it?
Heres a pic to describe how i feel along with R.I.P hair
I wish I was good at something, rather than being mediocre at many things.
The sad truth of reality
There has been so much built up lately that I just need to get everything off my chest and it bothers the shit out of me
So lets start off with some background information
Lately I’ve been stressing over the fact that college has basically consumed my entire life. I’ve been at college for a bit over than a year. I’m absolutely disgusted with what school has become. When you go to college you’re literally dishing a ton of fucking money out to earn a piece of paper that licenses you in a particular field which I do understand. Little do people know college is not what college is portrayed to be on tv or what is said. The sad truth is that college is a miserable place and will consume you. I feel like I can’t fucking breathe cause there is always work upon work on top of more work for the class I’m trying to earn a degree in. It is such a difficult task and there are just a few wishes, desires, and life epiphanies that I discovered as I endured and struggled
-I wish I was naturally smart and gifted as the other kids in my class.
There is a degree to a point to working hard to be smart and being naturally smart and easily passing a class. I don’t want the class to be too easy but I don’t want to struggle and keep having to retake the course over for a certificate. I know they say it’s hard work, but this class is driving me insane and I cant grasp the concept as easy as others and I’m the laughing stock of the class because I failed an exam horribly and it just killed my own self esteem in passing. Personally I wont let this phase me but I will continue working hard.
-I wish stress and anxiety didn’t bash on me everyday
I’m tired of stress and anxiety pushing me to my limits just cause I’m an overthinker, I overthink many situations and generally put myself into a bad mood just because of my own thoughts, which is sad; because what kind of life am i living i do that.
-I wish intelligence wasn’t measured on a scale of standardized testing and cognitive concepts.
Everything has to do with being smart and people aren’t getting jobs based on characteristics and personality compared to a person with an education. I mean i’m studying this in anthropology but it annoys me that in order to make a living in this world we need a degree. I have been thinking lately of why I’m still in college, like i dont want to drop out nor do i wanna continue doing this. I dont feel like this is for me. How I see it is that college is a loss/loss situations my reasons are that
1:Go to college, get an education, get a degree, get out of college, finds jobs. NO JOB. you waste your money and time literally to go no where
2: Don’t go to college, drop out, live at home, tries to find job NO JOB
It’s so fucking sad, reality itself. You’re literally damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
What I want to do
I figured out what I want to do in my life and I’m going to try to find the balance to get what I want. It sounds like I should figured this out a long time ago but
-I want to fulfill my life with long lasting memories memories that can’t be replaced once I’m older with the luxury of cash. I rather be middle class with wherever I live with all these moments in my life where I can always look back upon and be happy about than living a life with all the money in the world with my degree and be sad that I should’ve made the most of my life, and how money can’t rebuy memories and moments that I live. It kind of took me a while but my life would be much better with the quality that I make my life of rather than the quantity in currency my degree can earn me.
What I want to do in particular and desires
- Go to more concerts
- do things I’ve never done before
- experience more nature
- have a great time with my friends
- learn more tricks skateboarding
- build a place to stay out of my bare hands
- make an influence on a strangers life
- run in spain with the town during the national bull run
- sky dive
- go to local events that i’ve never been to before
- go to a country where i dont know a single word in a language and survive a month
- and to live up the moments and make these memories extremely vivid so that I wont forget a damn thing when i grow old because these moments with my friends, family, and Angelina mean the world to me even if they’re the littlest of things and petty fights.
This sounds more like a bucket list but other than that I do really want to experience this life, without my friends idk how i would handle myself because I’m my own worst devil in my own eyes, they are there to support me even when I’m at my worst and will bring me right back at the top with them, and of course my family because without them I wouldn’t have such an understanding of what lfe is. Sure we fight all the time and the expect a lot of me, but family is family. As for Angelina, I know we’ve been fighting a lot ever since I’ve gotten to school and I really miss her and wish I had the opportunity to see her more often but I cant. She means so much to me and she is also the reason why these memories of mine are going to be so vivid. I want to experience a life with her and everyone that is in my life. Sure it does bother me that her ex and her are friends and it does worry me when he texts her because I know he wants to get back with her, but i know how much i mean to her and how much she means to me, that she wouldn’t sacrifice all we have and been through for nothing.It’s just a part of adapting and something that i’ll have to get use to and not let it grow on me or else it’ll drive me insane. I love her and i just want to take her everywhere but I cant because of the circumstances right now but i hope it’ll change in the near future.
I feel like I’ve gotten a lot by writing down what I want and desire in life so this has been a load off my chest and I feel like I can still breathe yet the grip around my neck has lessened, but I’m still gasping by being here at college.
Peter Tu 10/19/13
The mind is so beautiful, it can create such beautiful things and ideas
But what happens when the idea destroys the mind.
Is it still beautiful?